Why stay?

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A hopeful and thought-provoking post about suicidal feelings from Heathershelpers.

Source: Why stay?

TRAUMA & RESTORING FAITH

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This post by a new blog that I am following really says where I am at right now in my faith.  Perhaps others can relate to this too.

Still Beloved

“Faith is not a belief. Faith is what is left when your beliefs have all been blown to hell.”
~ Ram Dass

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All who have survived trauma know well the feeling of the broken spirit. The loss of faith that comes with having your belief system ripped out from under you.

How can trauma survivors come to a place of restoring our faith? Our faith has been built over time as we live and construct in our minds the things we believe in. Trauma can shatter those beliefs in an instant.

In her amazing book, Trauma and Recovery, Judith Herman, M.D. addresses the issue of faith. She states “(Traumatic events…) violate the victim’s faith in a natural or divine order and cast the victim into a state of existential crisis. “

In other words, we begin to question everything we have come to know.

Herman goes on to…

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My Harshest Critic

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I am my harshest critic.  I have compassion for other people but have to work at having compassion for myself.  One thing I do that seems to help is to imagine that I am a character in a book. I view my life page by page and  begin to see someone that deserves empathy and shouldn’t be judged too harshly.  Perhaps you too are hard on yourself. Try this exercise and imagine you are a fictional character.  We all could use a little less judgement and a little more self-compassion.

Message from Winnie-the-Pooh

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I think on most days I need to read this message from Pooh Bear. Having PTSD and agoraphobia among other things makes me feel cowardly, weak and stupid.  Stupid, because I can’t think my way out of my fears.  I know that they are by and large illogical. Part of me thinks if I was smarter I’d be able to reason my way out of the fearful mess that is my psyche.  Weak, because I cannot push past the ridiculous fears that cripple my life much of the time.  Cowardly, because instead of standing up to them, I allow them to rule over me.

But, I do stand up to my fears sometimes and do something that causes me anxiety anyway.  I am not always cowardly.  I am not always weak.  And, the more I share with and learn from fellow bloggers and my therapist, I realize that my symptoms have nothing to do with my intelligence.

So, I will take to heart this wisdom from the bear who claimed to have “very little brain”. He is so much smarter than he thought.

Wisdom and Charles M Schulz and ZIggy

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Okay, I’ll admit it.  I’m 55, and not a lot of wisdom to show for it! Perhaps, I need another twenty years on the planet.  Although, I do talk less and listen more the older I get.  But that could just be the result of many years in therapy. My therapist listens well to my words and even better to my silences.   I had a neighbor once who would remain silent after you said something in a conversation.  It was rather unhinging at first.  Then, I realized that he was actually thinking before he spoke.  This was a foreign concept to me.  But I’ve adopted his style.    Perhaps I unhinge others now.  I remain silent but smile at times.  Do I appear wise or idiotic?  I am not sure!  But, I am sure I am both these things at different times.  Knowing this is surely the beginning of wisdom.

Please feel free to comment on how you feel wiser now.