Why stay?

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A hopeful and thought-provoking post about suicidal feelings from Heathershelpers.

Source: Why stay?

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Onyx, the Ebony Cat

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I have fallen deeply in love with Onyx, the ebony cat. His soft fur shines and he lights up my world.  My friend, Rose, (who I am staying with while I get my life together) adopted him two months ago and we have become fast friends.  He is three years old and seems wise beyond his years.  We play together, cuddle together; he purrs, I say inane things to him. (I keep my most silly talk to private times when we are alone.)  I call him friend because what else would you call someone who calms, comforts and cares for you?  Okay, perhaps I am guilty of some level of anthropomorphism.  But, I tell you, it is uncanny how he appears at my side when I am starting to slide into the blues.  He’ll hop onto the bed as I sit journaling and start to purr at me and it stops my descent into the pits.

In the morning, as I sip my coffee and read blogs and devotions and try to enter the day with something resembling hope, he hops onto the arm of the chair, reaches for my shoulder, and places his front paws on it.  Then, he bites my head!  I feel so honored and loved and suddenly glad to be alive. And I giggle when they turn into multiple love bites.

Sometimes I bury my nose into his warm fur and just breathe in and out.  It is truly a Zen moment.  I love this beautiful cat and he is safe to love. How often do we love where we shouldn’t and end up hurt or disappointed?

Perhaps I need to get a life!  But, until I do, I am going to hang out with a cat named Onyx.

photos from Bing

Our Inner Dragons

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Okay, so I am not yet the poster child for mental health.  But I  and my therapist have slayed a few of my inner dragons during my oh-so-many years of therapy. I used to feel dirty to put it mildly. Being around my therapist made me feel ashamed because I felt so disgusting.  I didn’t understand how he could be in the same room as me.  He seemed so clean and lovely while I was something hideous.  I would cringe from my shame. But now, I feel clean too.  That was a huge dragon.

I used to feel that the abuse was somehow my fault. The guilt was toxic. Now that’s no longer an issue.  They did wrong, I was just a child. And not just a child — but a lovely, beautiful good child.  Another dragon slain.

I need to remember these battles fought and won as I grow weary from my latest battles.  I am in a difficult place right now. I am surrounded by fears.  Fears of leaving the house, fears of the future, and fear that I will get no better and never be released from depression and anxiety.  But these are just new dragons. Dragons do not go down in battle easily or even in one battle.

And so, I will take up the sword of hope. I will remember won battles.  And dragons lying in smoldering heaps.

Things that make us happy…

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Source: Things that make us happy…

I thought this an important post for sufferers of PTSD since bad memories often plague us.  To challenge ourselves to have a cache of good memories and sweet moments too would be healing and helpful. One memory that comes to my mind is a few hours spent at a quiet beach with my adult son sitting on the warm sand  just soaking up the bright sun, listening to the waves pulsing, and collecting small shells.  I am going through tough times right now and feel that my life is just awful.  But my life is not just about now, or the  parts of the past that were terrible. It has included good times too.  Even great times.  That time at the beach was less than a year ago.  I am going to find a pretty tin or handsome box and then write about wonderful times on slips of paper and put them inside. My story is about more than abuse, more than trauma.  I just need some help remembering that.  I hope you have many sweet times to put in your memory box should you decide to keep one too.

Please click on the above site for more ideas to uplift your life.

Image from Bing