Our Inner Dragons

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Okay, so I am not yet the poster child for mental health.  But I  and my therapist have slayed a few of my inner dragons during my oh-so-many years of therapy. I used to feel dirty to put it mildly. Being around my therapist made me feel ashamed because I felt so disgusting.  I didn’t understand how he could be in the same room as me.  He seemed so clean and lovely while I was something hideous.  I would cringe from my shame. But now, I feel clean too.  That was a huge dragon.

I used to feel that the abuse was somehow my fault. The guilt was toxic. Now that’s no longer an issue.  They did wrong, I was just a child. And not just a child — but a lovely, beautiful good child.  Another dragon slain.

I need to remember these battles fought and won as I grow weary from my latest battles.  I am in a difficult place right now. I am surrounded by fears.  Fears of leaving the house, fears of the future, and fear that I will get no better and never be released from depression and anxiety.  But these are just new dragons. Dragons do not go down in battle easily or even in one battle.

And so, I will take up the sword of hope. I will remember won battles.  And dragons lying in smoldering heaps.

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