photo by Patricia
Gratefulness seeps in with my senses coming back. Aromas not detected all week now permeate my being; the lilac scented candle on the warmer, the freshness of pouring rain so sorely needed, and strawberries boiling in the pot loaded with sugar for the jam. Gentleness with ‘self’ returns too, along with work necessary to sustain it.
It has taken the entire week to come down from the agitated place of being around others who are my family. How could that be? Samuel is unencumbered by such ongoing disruptions. My brain, injured by early childhood sexual abuse that went unprocessed, poses great challenges.
An articulate, expert writer commented on my post Fears, “Being sexually abused as a child is like being a bird whose wings have been cut short and can never fly. Seeing normal birds whose strong wings take them high in the air over trees, almost…
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I was thirteen years old when I heard on my special two speaker radio that Jim Croce had died. I cried buckets of tears. Such a loss for the world. We can only wonder what other treasures he would have shared from his soul.
Jim Croce died in a plane crash on September 20, 1973 when he was only 30 years old. A few days after his death, his wife Ingrid received a letter from him telling her that he had decided to quit music and stick to writing short stories and movie scripts as a career, and withdraw from public life. Bad Bad Leroy Brown hit #1 on the charts just two months before his death.
The song was inspired by a tough private he met while in the army. Croce and Brown used to hang out and sing together … until one day when Leroy Brown went AWOL.
Well the South side of Chicago
Is the baddest part of town
And if you go down there
You better just beware
Of a man named Leroy Brown
Now Leroy more than trouble
You see he stand ’bout…
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Remember! Remember! Skies of azure blue with wispy trails of clouds
on days so dark and dreary that feel as if they portend a future forever without the sun.
Remember! Remember! a smile that was just for you because you were you
on days you feel alone and unwanted and cannot remember being loved.
Remember! Remember! the afternoon you danced with joy to music sublime
on days where just leaving your bed seems a herculean task.
Remember! Remember! that other soul you lifted up who was deep down in a pit
on days you cannot see why you were even born or continue to live.
Remember! Remember! That day you stood up tall and felt your powers fill your soul
on days where burdens and heartache leave you hunched, bent over and you fall.
Remember, oh remember, to not chastise your soul on days it’s wearied and so raw,
instead comfort it somehow as you would a child’s tender heart and remember to
remember better days.
A force calls me out into the world
Into light life hope and love
While another force pulls me inward and down
It places a heavy boot on my chest
And will not let me rise
No matter how hard i try
Instead it keeps me paralysed
Spewing doubt and fear
At every turn
Vanquishing love and connection
It puts me into an altered state where I am blind
And projects attack on love
So all I see is fear
And then I react from shielding and defence
And meanwhile all joy and possibility disappears
What this force is I do not understand
Only that I long so desperately to be free
From the suffering and the pain
That holds the paralytic claim
Over all the fear and darkness
Inside of me
So I am sitting here writes my friend Matt Pappas from Surviving My Past, just watching my twitter feed and browsing around the web not doing too much of anything in particular. Then I got an email notification from Jodi Aman about a new video she posted up. Of course, I hopped over to her channel to…