TABOO

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Patricia J Grace

Patricia

When a child falls into a well then is saved, a dramatic news cast is aired. The family wraps their arms around the child devoting all energies to her survival and care. Not so for a child sexually abused. She stands alone. She is treated like a plague, looked at like one, and trained into silence.

Keeping unprocessed trauma inside her where it festers damages many bodily systems. When one system is damaged such as the nervous system, now on a steady red alert, it impairs the health of other body systems.

The family corners the child into silence no matter what method; shame, guilt, the threat of abandonment, whatever it takes. The child knows and feels these threats though they may never be spoken aloud. She is sacrificed, her life, sanity, and safety for the sake of the family and its ‘good’ name.

When a child grows up…

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How can I know?

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Emerging From The Dark Night

Child 3

How can I know what is true

When life can be so confusing?

People can say and do

All kinds of things to earn your trust

And if there is a tender raw space inside

Full of so much unmet need

Then we may be

Pulled towards them

Like a magnet

How can we hold on to

The little one inside of us

Who always longed for love

For a shoulder to cry on

When things hurt

For a strong heart to help us stand still with

And recognise fear

And how to get through it?

Now all I can do

Is turn inside to you

Little Debs

So many things happened over years

That so naturally filled you with so much fear

And left you all alone and wondering

With no one to lean on or talk to in the wilderness

So now if a wolf comes by

How…

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A tender heart

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Emerging From The Dark Night

Walk in Peace.jpg

..the tenderness of the awakened heart, is available in moments of caring for things, when we are cleaning our glasses or brush our hair.  It’s available in moments of appreciation, when we notice the blue sky or pause and listen to the rain.  It is available in moments of gratitude, when we recall a kindness or recognise another person’s courage.  It is available in music and dance, in art, and in poetry. Whenever we let go of holding onto ourselves and look at the world around us, whenever we connect with sorrow, whenever we connect with joy, whenever we drop our resentment and complaint, in these moments (the tender heart) is here.

Pema Chodron

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Again, it is my Sister’s Birthday….

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I posted this a year ago on my Sister’s birthday.  Just wanted to share and celebrate her life again.

My lovely sister would have been 65 yesterday. She always made me feel welcome, whether it was upstairs in her room or in her own home after she got married. Today, my thoughts go to visiting with her in her backyard. Old-growth shady trees and flowers and bird feeders made it a haven for wildlife […]

via Bobbi’s Birthday — GettingrealwithPTSD

Little One

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I have borrowed this photo from a super blog named Grace to Survive.  It spoke to me.  The child within me, whom I call “Little One”, has benefitted greatly from self-forgiveness.  Most of the time there is truly nothing that needs forgiving.  The abuse was not her fault at all.  She was blamed by her abusers.  But, she feels stupid for having trusted them.   I spend time reeducating her that there is nothing wrong with being young and vulnerable.  And that I do not blame her.  It has taken years and seeing acceptance and love in our therapist’s eyes to get her to stop blaming herself for being naive.  And to feel that she is good and deserving of love.  Also, that being young is not a bad thing.  So, we continue what has been a long, arduous journey to find pleasure in being alive.  To feel good when we touch fragrant flowers,  hear the chatter and song of birds that quickens our soul, or feel the touch of soft rain on our cheeks where once there were only tears.  This is when she teaches me that, perhaps, feelings can be a good thing.  And so, I grow younger as I embrace her sweet spirit and learn how life was meant to be lived.