When you are a child, and know the monsters, are humans ~ Lilly Hope Lucario — Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

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For those raised by highly abusive parents and for those sexually abused as children, please know….. I understand how terrifying and impacting it is….. To know the monsters are not stories in children’s books. They are in fact… humans. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario All blogs written by Lilly Hope Lucario and subject to © Copyright […]

via When you are a child, and know the monsters, are humans ~ Lilly Hope Lucario — Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

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I am mystified by my attraction to this television series.  I have spent my life avoiding most horror films.   Perhaps, I am comforted by how the humans actually morph into evil looking monsters in this show.  They show their true nature when confronted by the Grimm.  Was it my childhood wish that others should see my parents’ true nature?  That Mr. and Mrs. Suburbia were not at all what they seemed?  That the manicured lawn and  beautiful landscaping were hiding evil?  No doubt, this is it.  It was also a childhood wish that some savior would rescue me.  I needed a Grimm.  And so, I watch fascinated and experience some wish-fulfillment.

Photo from Bing

 

What Does the Trauma After Victimization Feel Like? — NANMYKEL.COM

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Janof-Bulman and Frieze (1983) have studied the effects of victimization on those considered traumatized. When I compare it with my small trauma in 1971, I can really relate. It helps me make sense out of my psychological reaction. They observe that much of the psychological toll derives from the shattering of very basic assumptions that […]

via What Does the Trauma After Victimization Feel Like? — NANMYKEL.COM

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No, what was meant to kill you, does not always make you stronger ~ Lilly Hope Lucario — Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

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That old saying ‘what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger’ – is a platitude and not reality for many. Unlike many people, I don’t put inappropriate expectations and demands on survivors of complex trauma and those with severe mental health issues, like Complex PTSD. Empathy and compassion, is meeting someone where they are at and […]

via No, what was meant to kill you, does not always make you stronger ~ Lilly Hope Lucario — Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

Daydreams Of Shiva

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I reblogged this because the poem made me feel something and I love early Elton John.  Hearing this song brought back feelings from my youth of hope and promise and beauty and goodness.  More and more, I have been getting in touch with earlier aspects of myself before I put up impermeable walls of protection.  Dare I let those walls come down?  Or, perhaps, just peek over the tops and remember who I once was?  I wonder if I am still that person deep down inside.  Poetry and literature, music and people affected me in good ways.  I danced in solitary joy and sang from my heart.  Can I journey back and recapture that part of my soul that I left along the wayside when life got too dark and difficult?  I think I can and I think I am.  To be sure, I am taking small steps back.  But, I no longer feel these aspects of myself to be worthless.  Maybe, this is the wisdom of age — to again recognize what is of true value.  So, I climb over the walls and pick up hope and beauty and place them in my backpack.  I will keep them in my future travels through this life.

An Unexpected Muse

 A poem about the eFullSizeRender (3)ternal…

In domestic environs
So sweet but so numb
I think you have sought
A dance with my thoughts
My thoughts that lay deep
In the deepest of sleep.

You came from a void
And not just for naught

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I wish my problems were baby pandas — blackspotsite

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I am reblogging this post from blackspotsite because it made me laugh and hope it will make you laugh too.

There’s no harm in a bit of frivolity every now and again. I don’t normally share this sort of thing, but this clip made me laugh so much I thought I should. It also felt like the perfect metaphor for how the process of therapy feels. Endlessly trying to put things in order while being […]

via I wish my problems were baby pandas — blackspotsite

Lost and Found

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As a child, I used to sing myself to sleep.  One of my favorite songs was “Somewhere over the Rainbow”.  Each note I sang was full of hope that someday I would live somewhere safe where there was no abuse.  “There’s a land that I heard of once in a lullaby…” I fully believed that I would find a place of love and safety, free from harm.  Where did I get such faith?  I read books and saw movies where children and people were cherished.  Life wasn’t scary and filled with predators.  As an adult, I set my course to live in such a place.  I married with high hopes.  But the day after the wedding my husband changed from Prince Charming to a sneering, demeaning brute.  Confused, I tried to behave in a way that would please him; but to no avail.  That is, until he wanted to have a child and then the one-time prince made a brief appearance.  During my pregnancy and the subsequent birth of my lovely son things improved somewhat.  I was treated better… till I wasn’t.  Then, all smiles and embracing me he said he wanted another child.  But, I was not so easily duped again.  I told him that I would not be having more children with the likes of him.   I had gained some self-respect.  And so we divorced.  I then made a life and a safe, loving home for my son and I.  I still had hope.  After several years of rebuilding our lives, I met a kind man and decided to try matrimony again.   But, then he became very ill within a year of marrying him. The doctors gave me medicine to inject him with every day.  Then they tried infusions. But still, his health deteriorated till he was no longer able to walk or stand or sit up without support.  During all this I lost hope that life could feel safe and good.  My husband’s illness was very frightening.  No doubt, for both of us and my son.  He eventually even lost his hearing.  Then, he passed away one night.  When I found him the next morning he finally looked at peace.  But, then I was left alone to pick up the pieces.  And, all hope was gone.

Its been over two years since he died. During this time I have received much help from friends and my son as I try to start my life over.  Not only did I not have any hope, I even forgot that such a thing as hope existed.  Its a terrible way to live.  Then, a month or so ago, I caught a scent, a fragrance.  It seemed strange, yet familiar.  Although, I didn’t recognize it, I welcomed it.  I sensed that it was young — something from my youth.  Just a week ago, I learned it’s name — it is hope.  Somehow it found me.  I am more than a bit frightened of it;  but, I am now more frightened of living without it.  So, I tentatively hold it’s hand and take small steps into my unknown future.

Quotes of Wisdom

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During my teenage years I would collect quotes and poems and write them in journals.  Finding words of truth  was a source of great satisfaction to me.  This quote from The Little Prince was a great favorite of mine and has remained so to this day.  Kindness, love, and affection are gifts from others that  I prize above all else and are things I can give in return.  Sometimes they can be seen with the eye or heard with the ear, but the heart sees them in all their glory and secrets them away in a cache to draw upon on a rainy day.  As we grow older and age wears out my body, our spirit becomes even more important. Unseen by many who use only their eyes to see, it is to be treasured more since it is the essential part of me and you.  Today, I am going to practice seeing with my heart.  Seeing others and seeing even myself truly.  And I hold up the prayer that my heart may be kind and loving.

 

Succor

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From Vocabulary.com- the definition of succor: In archaic times, succor meant a reinforcement of troops during a hard battle. These days though, those reinforcements are a bit more figurative. Succor is a helping hand in a time of need, relief when the going gets tough. Succor can also be used as a verb, as in, “After Bob fell overboard, […]

via SUCCOR — Patricia J Grace

An insightful post about the wall we put up to keep ourselves safe but limits letting love in.