Tulips and Waiting


I adore tulips and wait for them eagerly each spring.  But this spring I am waiting for my new life to start too.  I have been staying with a friend since I lost my house to foreclosure after my husband passed away.  She has been kind and patient as I get my life together and can get a place of my own.  Things are coming together and it looks like I will be able to move on and move out.  But, there are still things to worry and fret about and challenges to be faced.  And so I continue my dance with anxiety. I used to have a rock-solid faith in God but my husband’s long illness caused it to dwindle.   It is an ember I blow on constantly to try to ignite the flame I once had.  Patience is needed in my spirit right now.  I pray for this to a God that I have huge doubts about.  When you have had parents that have been downright evil and abused you without mercy, you hope for a merciful God.   And a heaven, where beauty and holiness dwell.  If there is a god, I believe that he is big enough to accept my doubt as part of being human.  And so, I wait.  Wait for my new life to start and wait for my faith to reignite.  The promise of tulips is near.  Soon, they will rise from their verdant green leaves and pop open.  Tomorrow, I will go looking for them.  Today, I will just believe in them and have faith.

Photo from Bing


16 thoughts on “Tulips and Waiting

  1. I’ve had some temper tantrums too and then thought that the Lord must be up there smiling at one of His children who is letting off steam. Therefore I never lose faith. It brought me much joy this spring to see the red tulips springing up all over my garden and then with surprise this year one yellow tulip came up too. Hope you find peace and joy in your tulips.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can relate to both you and Laurelwolfelives, we can be mad and upset with god, and I think that is okay. It is difficult to think their is a god when our lives go through difficult times. I have no answers, just feelings. Good post, hope your day is better.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I understand about God. I’m mad at Him right now and I have been mad at Him for a long time. I think He understands but I will never understand how He can supposedly be such a loving God and let such shitty things happen to people.

    Liked by 1 person

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