I adore tulips and wait for them eagerly each spring. But this spring I am waiting for my new life to start too. I have been staying with a friend since I lost my house to foreclosure after my husband passed away. She has been kind and patient as I get my life together and can get a place of my own. Things are coming together and it looks like I will be able to move on and move out. But, there are still things to worry and fret about and challenges to be faced. And so I continue my dance with anxiety. I used to have a rock-solid faith in God but my husband’s long illness caused it to dwindle. It is an ember I blow on constantly to try to ignite the flame I once had. Patience is needed in my spirit right now. I pray for this to a God that I have huge doubts about. When you have had parents that have been downright evil and abused you without mercy, you hope for a merciful God. And a heaven, where beauty and holiness dwell. If there is a god, I believe that he is big enough to accept my doubt as part of being human. And so, I wait. Wait for my new life to start and wait for my faith to reignite. The promise of tulips is near. Soon, they will rise from their verdant green leaves and pop open. Tomorrow, I will go looking for them. Today, I will just believe in them and have faith.
Photo from Bing