Tulips and Waiting

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I adore tulips and wait for them eagerly each spring.  But this spring I am waiting for my new life to start too.  I have been staying with a friend since I lost my house to foreclosure after my husband passed away.  She has been kind and patient as I get my life together and can get a place of my own.  Things are coming together and it looks like I will be able to move on and move out.  But, there are still things to worry and fret about and challenges to be faced.  And so I continue my dance with anxiety. I used to have a rock-solid faith in God but my husband’s long illness caused it to dwindle.   It is an ember I blow on constantly to try to ignite the flame I once had.  Patience is needed in my spirit right now.  I pray for this to a God that I have huge doubts about.  When you have had parents that have been downright evil and abused you without mercy, you hope for a merciful God.   And a heaven, where beauty and holiness dwell.  If there is a god, I believe that he is big enough to accept my doubt as part of being human.  And so, I wait.  Wait for my new life to start and wait for my faith to reignite.  The promise of tulips is near.  Soon, they will rise from their verdant green leaves and pop open.  Tomorrow, I will go looking for them.  Today, I will just believe in them and have faith.

Photo from Bing

 

How to Live with Emotional Trauma and PTSD

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GentleKindness

ptsd facesimage from pinterest source here 

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People who have mental pain, have trouble in day to day situations, where other people seem to float right through.

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Everyone around us seems to have a better handle on just getting through life, than we do. It is so easy to become discouraged by watching other people do things that we either cannot do, or cannot do without mental anguish.

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People are good at things that they have had the background, the support, and the early wiring to be good at. Even the things we learn when we are older, are easier to learn if we were wired properly when we were growing up.

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A lot of the people you are comparing yourself to had parents that helped them to follow the normal development stages and they also had the mental stability to process all of the stages properly, in…

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My Birthday

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I just celebrated my 56th birthday a week ago.  I woke up to my friend dancing and singing the birthday song at the end of my bed before she left for work.  Later, after  I disentangled myself from the bed covers, I found crepe paper streamers taped all around the house. As the coffee perked I reached into the refrigerator for the milk for my cereal I found a stuffed frog in front of it.

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I smiled and giggled.  The child in me rejoiced.  What a wonderful, whimsical thing for my friend to do.  Other friends, and my sister and son telephoned during the day with wishes and laughter.  To cap the day off,  friends took me to an Irish pub for dinner.  We clinked glasses and toasted to my birthday.  As I looked about at their cheery faces and thought about the day, I found myself glad to be alive.  I thought of all the people  who were glad I was alive too.  I sipped my Irish coffee and felt lucky.  I don’t usually think of myself as lucky — nor does anyone who knows my life story.  But I know some pretty special people and they think I am special too and somehow that makes life seem worthwhile.  So here’s to another year.

Photos from Bing