Another brick in the wall…nuked!

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This reminded me so much of my long time therapist and is so well written. I related to so much in it and perhaps you will too.

Down the Rabbit Hole

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How do I even begin? What happened tonight in my therapy session was a little thing, objectively speaking, really a very little thing. But to me it was a huge, HUGE deal, maybe even a breakthrough of some sort.

I refuse to write a separate post about this, but when I got home from work, my mother called. She had gotten my phone number through my son and I took the call because it was coming from a New York phone and my mother lives in Illinois so I had no idea who it was. Normally I don’t take phone calls if I can’t tell who’s calling but for some reason I took it this time. When I heard her voice, it was like being transported back to being a five year old again. All my mindfulness skills and everything I know about narcissism and No Contact went flying out…

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Be Gentle

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From before a child is even born, how you feel towards it, speak to it and love it has an impact. As that child grows, each word you say has an affect. To fill your child up with kind, special, swe…

Source: Be Gentle

Shame vs. Guilt in Trauma

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One of the best things that therapy did for me was to remove my shame.  I could come out of the shadows and take my place in the sun.  This is another insightful post from Heather’s Helpers.

Picture from Bing

I love Brene Brown and I know many of you do as well. I am not positive if she was actually the first person to say this because I heard it long before she came along but it seems she is getting cr…

Source: Shame vs. Guilt in Trauma

The Taming (Part 1)

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I looked at the therapist from the deep woods where I remained hidden.  Friend or foe? Only time would show. I was wild since I had learned from experience to distrust man.  He remained silent as I considered my next move.  Should I show myself or continue to watch him from the shadows?  He looked very relaxed as he sat in his chair.  His long legs were crossed at the ankles and he looked like we had all the time in the world. He was looking at the carpet while he waited.  I studied him and decided that I liked his face, his demeanor too.  He looked wise and patient.  And, not one given to sudden movements. I slowly came out from behind a tree and stood before him.  He raised his eyes slowly till they met mine and he smiled a small gentle smile.  I stopped breathing for several moments and then had to look away.  I felt too revealed when our eyes met.  A bit dizzy, I sat down  upon the ground.  I tried, but I couldn’t bring myself to make eye contact again so I just looked at his shoed feet.  I felt something stir inside me.  A feeling, a new feeling.  It had no name. Or none that came readily to my mind.  I studied the feeling.  I decided that it felt good.  And then, a word entered my mind. “Safe”.  Yes, that was it.  I felt safe.  I reached out to touch the ground but instead felt carpet.

 

 

Reptar

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Its a sad day and the end of an era.  Sweet Reptar, our bearded dragon, has passed away.  My son called today to tell me the news.  He is survived by his loving mate, Reptina.  Reptar was fifteen years old; Reptina is twelve.  He will be missed.  He was a very gentle dragon with kind eyes who would sip water from our fingertips.  We got Reptar after my husband moved out.  My son , seven years old at the time,  wanted a lizard and I wanted to prove to him that good things would continue to happen for him despite his mother and father getting divorced.  So, I researched what it would take to keep a lizard and off to the pet store we went. Although, not a girlie girl, I admit I was a bit squeamish about his first choice of lizard — a gecko — and felt better when he chose a bearded dragon.  We came home with all the ingredients for a happy lizard including sand, lighting, and crickets.  After the tank was set up we placed Reptar in his new home.  I felt inordinately proud because I had been able to do this on my own without any help from my husband.  It seemed a good omen for things to come. We got through the difficult times of upheaval with help from friends and able therapists.   My son is now a college graduate and a fine young man.  But the journey of thousands of steps began with a lizard named Reptar who will be sorely missed.

Picture from Bing