The Critical Ones

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If you are looking for some honest feedback from me you will have to request it passionately.  As someone who has had enough criticism to last a lifetime from my mother and first husband, I don’t like to dole it out to others.  I understand that healthy criticism can be helpful; but, its been rare that I have been on the receiving end of this type.  I think healthy criticism should include comments about what someone did right, along with remarks about what could have been better.  A spirit of  humility should also be present.  After all, it is just one fallible human’s opinion.

But how do you withstand criticism from those that are hyper-critical?  Those that consistently  tear others down rather than build them up?  Some you can kick to the curb and get on with your life.  But others are a permanent fixture in your life.  I think it helps to recognize that the criticism says more about them than you.  They have issues. Probably, they do not feel very good about themselves or were subject to a lot of criticism growing up.

But, how do you handle it?  Can a certain response decrease the amount of negative feedback you get from the critical ones?  I am looking for ideas on how to cope and respond to this dilemma.  Please share your ideas if you have any.

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7 thoughts on “The Critical Ones

  1. I think “constructive criticism” is hogwash. Just saying.
    I never feel good when any criticism is dished out.
    I think that truly kind people offer suggestions, support changes, are willing to loan their own hands to help, and so forth. The people in your life should never want to judge you or criticize you.
    I also love the comments about emotional vampires. I’ve known many of them and YUCK!
    As for what to say? I agree with “Ouch. That hurts.” if you are at the tail end of the conversation but perhaps earlier intervention is needed. I will often say the persons name and make them stop to say yes, then I say that this conversation isn’t one you wish to have. How about we talk about something ______? If they really carry on? STOP! is okay or just take the phone away from your ear and don’t listen to it. Those are ideas that I use and they have been quite helpful.
    One person actually said to me “You don;t even hear my constructive criticism do you?” I told her not really because I have the phone away from my ear. LOL She was miffed but do I truly care?

    Liked by 3 people

  2. It is terribly triggering and re-traumatizing to be around people like this….especially when you already have C-PTSD from years of ongoing emotional abuse.

    People trying to force their own agenda on you, just triggers your PTSD symptoms.

    It inhibits your recovery. To recover you need to be able to be yourself, make your own mistakes without someone controlling you, and be around supportive people who accept you for who you are.

    There is no good way to feel good, or combat being re-traumatized by these soul sucking, energy vampires.

    You can try a hypnosis designed to give you NLP techniques for being able to detach from the situations as they are occuring…and basically put up a firewall against the virus they are trying to load into your brain….without your consent.

    If you have to be exposed to these people, and you have no escape at this time…then the NLP hypnosis can help, but I would try to get away from these people as soon as you are able to and go No Contact.

    I do NLP hypnosis with my clients and they have given me feedback that it is helpful for them.

    You can email me michelemimimish@gmail.com
    Or visit my web site for more information gentlekindnesscoaching.com

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for writing in and your concern. I liked the phrase “soul sucking, energy vampires” since it caught my experience exactly. I am not ready to give up all contact yet because they have other sterling qualities. Perhaps, I will confront them and explain that at this time I do not need negative feedback and could they refrain from this and then take it from there. Again, many thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. For people who constantly dish it out but say they love you (or maybe really do love you, but have some bad habits), you can always try something like, “Ouch! That’s harsh!” This will make some people realize they are causing pain. Others, though will say, “I’m just saying…” or “I’m just giving you the truth because I care about you…” But if it slows down even one person, that is an improvement.

    At some point, if it’s just overwhelming and you can’t tolerate it, there is the opportunity to say, “if you can’t tone down the negativity, I’m going to have to limit our contact, because I end up feeling very demoralized after I spend time with you.”

    Of course, you can’t change people; you can only change yourself. If they don’t respond to your requests, it’s up to you whether or not you can tolerate spending time with them very much.

    I empathize, I really do. I was married to a man like this for ten years.

    Liked by 3 people

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