This post by a new blog that I am following really says where I am at right now in my faith. Perhaps others can relate to this too.
“Faith is not a belief. Faith is what is left when your beliefs have all been blown to hell.”
~ Ram Dass
All who have survived trauma know well the feeling of the broken spirit. The loss of faith that comes with having your belief system ripped out from under you.
How can trauma survivors come to a place of restoring our faith? Our faith has been built over time as we live and construct in our minds the things we believe in. Trauma can shatter those beliefs in an instant.
In her amazing book, Trauma and Recovery, Judith Herman, M.D. addresses the issue of faith. She states “(Traumatic events…) violate the victim’s faith in a natural or divine order and cast the victim into a state of existential crisis. “
In other words, we begin to question everything we have come to know.
Herman goes on to…
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GettingrealwithPTSD 
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I came back into a faith of my own making, not the one I was taught, but one that makes sense to me.
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That’s what I need to do. The faith I have been raised on has just kept dwindling and dwindling. I keep trying to blow on the embers to get warmed by it like I used to. But it all seems like a child’s fairy tale to me now.
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You write your feelings so succinctly and beautifully. “blow on the embers to get warmed” May that come for you, or maybe it’s there but you haven’t yet allowed it or put it into words.
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Thank you for your wishes and kind words. 🙂 It occurs to me that I don’t have to throw everything from my faith away but can keep what I find meaningful. I can keep the compassion and anything else that seems to remain true. Thank you for writing and getting me thinking…
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Yeah! Each person seems to interpret per their own needs. So why not me? And you…
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I find this as interesting now as I did when I first read Herman’s book 20 or so years ago. I have never had a religious faith, and one of the things that has always puzzled me about people who have a religious faith is I just don’t understand the concept of placing that kind of trust and faith in someone or something which “power” or “authority” over me. I feel like if I did that, I would be setting myself up to be hurt and betrayed, and then it would be basically my own damn fault for trusting, you know?
These are the kinds of musings that remind me I am not as recovered as I like to think. Not sure whether to put a smiley or a frowny after that!
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How about both? I had a strong faith in God and saw him as the good father as opposed to my bad father on earth. I miss my faith, but I have to admit that it has just up and disappeared. And you are right I felt hurt and betrayed for a long time. Thanks for writing in — so glad I reposted this post.
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I don’t miss having a faith because I don’t know what it would be like to have one. But the god people around me believed in always seemed like an angry, punitive, arbitrary authoritarian… Which I’ve had enough of! So it’s never been something that attracted my interest. I’ve always felt that people who believe in a punitive and judgemental god are more likely to feel justified in being punitive and judgemental towards those over whom they have power. Does that make sense? So it made no sense to me to be interested in any kind of “faith path.”
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Yes, people can be very judgmental and self-righteous especially when they think god is on their side! The god I believed in was compassionate, caring and nurturing. I will keep that way of interacting with others despite my loss of faith. The years of faith were not a waste of time if I keep the beauty from them.
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Oh, not a waste indeed! I think it would be very comforting to believe in a god like that. And you will always have the memory of that comfort and be able to look for it in other places—for example, I imagine / hope that one day I might be able to be kind to myself (parent myself?) in a way that is “compassionate, caring and nurturing” in that way. Take care.
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Yes, that is a good idea – to be kind to ourselves too! Thanks!
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