Where is the Joy?

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I think that is what I miss most.  Joy.  That exhilarating feeling that would start at my toes and encompass me to the ends of my unruly hair.  I could count on it even in bad times.  I’d usually experience it when singing and dancing by myself.  With the stereo on, I would sing and move to the music in rapture till I was exhausted.

Now, if I am not anxious, depressed, upset or sad, I am flat. Never at ease or content.  Never mind happy.  Every so often, like a breeze, I feel a sense of well-being and even as I grasp it, it disappears.  It’s like a song I once knew well and I no longer can remember the lyrics or the melody but it haunts me still.

For a long time I didn’t even realize that I had changed.  Didn’t realize that I no longer sang, no longer danced.  Perhaps remembering is the first step to healing.  Maybe, just maybe, I can feel joy again.

Journaling by Hand

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Journaling by Hand

 I write everyday in a journal.  In it I hand write my daily thoughts, feelings and dreams. There is something therapeutic about taking pen to paper.  Your emotions flow out in the ink.  I write so that I can think clearly.  I write so that my actions and choices are not mere reactions to life and people. Instead, I can live with premeditation and make choices about how I will react.  My thinking can get all muddled in an unruly pile.  I take each thought from the pile and put it on paper and begin to see what I really think or feel.  More often than not I can see solutions where before there were only problems.  Or if I am ruminating endlessly on some incident or interaction that is bothering me, I write it out.  It gets that hamster off the wheel!  Then, I can get on with my life.  Don’t know what’s bothering you?  Start writing and you’ll be illuminated. You think maybe the people in your life are not listening to you well?  Tell it to paper. It is endlessly patient.  Need to just complain?  You won’t bore anyone and can kvetch till your pen runs dry.  I try to encourage everyone I know to journal. Try it, you’ll like it.