La quemada’s honest and thought-provoking blog takes me back to my earliest years in therapy. It makes me realize how far I have come. I’d forgotten that I used to feel that I was bad and disgusting. It takes time, patience and a good therapist to work through such a bad self-image.
Yesterday evening I wrote what I thought was a good letter to the little girl that was once me, addressing the bad feelings she had about herself from abuse by her father at about age eight or nine. I worked to include everything in the letter that E. has taught me in therapy: start from a place of empathy, tell her why you don’t share her beliefs, offer her alternative beliefs. She always has me address the little girl from the point of view of my wiser, older self to create a little distance from the feelings and beliefs. In other words, help the wounded little girl, but don’t let her run the show. It’s for self protection.
So I wrote the letter and posted it on the blog. And immediately that voice in my head started up, “I’m so bad, I’m so bad, I’m so bad.” That voice had actually…
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